Why Do Therapists Talk About the "Inner Child" So Much?

If you have been in therapy before or heard some of this discourse online, you have probably heard terms and phrases like this before:

“healing my inner child”

“reparenting my inner child”

“triggered my inner child”

Although not a new concept to the world of psychology or therapy by any means, it has been gaining traction outside the therapy room and online. But what is the inner child and why is it helpful to discuss in therapy?

The inner child is a concept rooted in early psychoanalytic theory (think Freud & Jung) and attachment theory. It is a way to describe how our childhood experiences continue to live within us and dictate what we believe, how we attach, and how we behave in the present. So, an inner child is a representation and a way to locate and understand how our childhood experiences have shaped us.

Why is this important? Our childhood experiences impact how we see and feel about ourselves, others, and the world. We carry these beliefs into our adult life, which impacts us in the present. Although, there is often an argument that “the past is in the past,” mental health professionals argue that the past is often made present based on our experiences in childhood. Therefore, the past is relevant insofar as it shows up in our current patterns. For example, if a child experiences neglect in childhood, they may learn that they cannot rely on others for support. They can become hyper-independent, which although has some benefits, also makes it very difficult for them to connect and depend on others in their romantic relationships and friendships.

In therapy, the inner child can be explored to first understand how these childhood experiences have impacted us, and therapy can be useful in “healing” the inner child, which usually looks like trying to meet the unmet needs of childhood. Many of us have unmet needs in childhood including soothing, exploration, play, safety, and compassion. When these needs continue to go unmet, they can show up in our adult lives as self-loathing, distrust of self and others, anxiety and dread, self-abandonment, and dysfunctional relationships.

In a nutshell, doing inner child work is all about discovering what needs were unmet in childhood or what ways we learned to protect ourselves that are not functioning well for us now. Through this work, we can develop new patterns, new ways of relating, and new ways of protecting ourselves, that foster the connection with others and ourselves that we’ve always yearned for. This work can be challenging but it is also rewarding as we are finally seeing and validating parts of ourselves that were likely never seen.

Until next time,

Dr. Jess